For as long as I can remember, when I thought about having kids, being a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) was a given. It was the only way I wanted to parent, and my husband was very supportive.
When my first son was born, I traded a full time job for being at home with him. I really threw myself into the role, and pushed down the feelings of isolation. I pushed through months of insomnia and possible PPA, trying my absolute hardest to be a perfect SAHM (while also running a part time business from home). When it was just E and I, it was mostly working; then L was born. Now I had a toddler and a newborn - a jealous toddler who was also hitting the newborn - and it felt like my workload increased by 10x. When L was 9 months old the pandemic began, and my isolation increased sharply.
Through these tough times I never questioned my decision or thought about going back to work - nor did I think about my own needs at all. By the time my youngest was born, and my workload increased again - my thoughts started to shift. Is this really my life now? Breaking up fights, cooking, cleaning up messes, wiping noses, changing diapers…day in and day out. What about that MBA I’m not even using? I didn’t like my old job in Finance and I don’t want to go back. But why can’t I try something new?
Truth be told, I’m ready now. But my youngest is 1 and childcare is WAY too expensive. Plus I do want to be there for him like I was for his brothers, since I have the privilege to do that. But once he starts Kindergarten, I do want to work again. Maybe in the school district; a path that actually excites me.
Tell me in the comments below - what has been your experience? Do you love being a SAHM? Love working? Or are you torn like me?
Success
2025 Update - I got a job! I started working as a Special Education Paraeducator (part-time) this Fall. My youngest is now 2.5, had my husband adjusted his work schedule so we don’t need to pay for childcare, and S is still at home with one parent at all times. The result has been an increased bond between S as my husband, and a lot more sanity for myself.
I LOVE my job, and I’m so happy to be working again. I found my passion working in Education, and am considering all my options for a full-time career in Education once my youngest starts Kindergarten.
I’ll share more about my new career path in a future post.